Without Pretense Read online

  Ava watched the light sparkle off the lake while she pondered all Bianca had shared. The idea of never seeing Bianca again was not something Ava wanted to think about. Finally, she turned and took her hand. “Bianca, I want to get to know you too.” Ava smiled as Bianca released a tremulous breath. “We had a connection when we first met. I still feel it. I want to explore that and spend time with you. The problem is, if you’re not writing my biography, I’m afraid we won’t get to spend much time together. I travel a lot and I’m not in this area very often.”

  Bianca gently squeezed Ava’s hand. “So where does that leave us?”

  “I don’t know. What if you tagged along with us doing research for the biography? Then we could hang out, quite often in private, as much as we wanted. Hank did actually have some convincing reasons why I should get on board with the biography, but I’m not ready to say yes or no—just maybe.”

  “I have an idea,” Bianca said.

  “I’m listening.”

  “Let’s compromise. I’ll plan to accompany you for four or five weeks. You agree to let me write an article. Call it a test balloon if you like. You get an idea of what it would be like for me to gather information as though I was going to do the biography, because I’ll still be working as though that is the end goal, but all you’re committed to at this point is one article. Then, even if you ultimately decide not to go forward with the book, I still have something concrete I can produce from our time together.”

  “I think I could get behind that idea.”

  “You will have to decide one way or another at some point about the bigger story.”

  “I know. But in the meantime, I like this compromise. It gives me more time to consider things. But I do have one condition if we move forward,” Ava said.

  “Which is?”

  “The time you and I spend together. It can’t be a one-way street. I want to get to know you too. You have to answer as many questions and share as many stories about yourself as I do.”

  Bianca’s smile lit her whole face. “I can live with that.”

  “Then it’s a plan.” Instead of extending her hand to seal the deal, she leaned over and gently touched her lips to Bianca’s.

  When they broke apart, Bianca met her gaze. “One more thing, I’d like to clear up. I owe you an apology for last time.”

  “You don’t. I would have liked to get to know you back then, but I know you were overwhelmed with your grief and you needed time and space to heal. The timing was awful. Perhaps this time around, we can get to know one another,” Ava said.

  “I would like that a lot. But to be honest, I’m not sure how much I’m ready for.”

  “We’ll take it slowly and keep it light and easy.”

  “Thank you.”

  Chapter Three

  The next morning, Bianca slipped quietly into the back of the music room in Tanglewood’s Ozawa Hall. Hank had let her know Ava was holding a session for some of the young musicians in residence at the Tanglewood fellowship program. As soon as she heard about it, Bianca knew she wanted to see this side of Ava. The young adults studying violin sat in chairs formed in a half circle around her.

  As Bianca sank into a seat in the back of the room, Ava looked up and their eyes met. Time slowed. Bianca felt the same connection she had several times before. With a look, Ava had the power to pull Bianca in. Sometimes she felt powerless to look away when their eyes locked. In those moments, Bianca felt like Ava could reach into her and know what she was feeling, even thinking. It was exhilarating but overwhelming. Every time their gaze broke Bianca felt vulnerable. And Ava, she would return to whatever it was she had been doing. Performing on stage, fighting with Hank, or working with students. It didn’t seem to affect her at all.

  When Ava returned her focus to her students, Bianca relaxed and observed her interactions with the young violinists. Ava wore a pair of hip-hugging forest green jeans, a sleeveless blouse a few shades lighter, and dark brown open-toed sandals. Her hair was pulled back into the ponytail making her appear young and carefree. The image she projected was relaxed yet professional, perfect given the setting. Bianca wondered briefly if Ava was dressed perfectly for every occasion. Ava seemed comfortable in every setting and situation. Bianca jotted down a note about that. Confidence? Carefree? How did she develop that skill? Was it trained or innate?

  Each time she witnessed Ava on stage, she was awestruck by her abilities. Watching her now, giving careful guidance, help, and making minor adjustments to how one student held his violin, or how another needed to lift her chin ever so slightly, it was clear she was also a gifted instructor. Some of the students were obviously starstruck by Ava, given their reaction and rapt attention to her. She gave every one of them her time and consideration. Bianca knew firsthand how powerful Ava’s attention was.

  Ava lost her train of thought as she met Bianca’s gaze again. She caught herself before she allowed her lustful thoughts to take over completely. Fortunately, when she looked back at the student she’d been addressing, he was still making slight adjustments to execute her critique. Still, the zing of attraction Ava always felt when she saw Bianca warmed her from the inside.

  She had the student play for a few moments, so she could examine his technique. Part of her brain drifted to the seats in back. She probably should have expected Bianca to show up. Hank knew where she’d be. If she’d thought about it, she might have invited Bianca herself.

  As the student finished playing, she gently adjusted his finger positions and asked him to play again. The other students looked on awaiting their turn for individual attention. As he began, his look of surprised pleasure made it clear he could hear the difference too. Ava enjoyed spending time with these teenagers and young adult students, sharing insights and helping them on their journey to become better musicians. Playing her violin for people was exceptional in its own way, but influencing the next generation of violinists at different venues around the globe…that held a special place in her heart. The summer music program at Tanglewood was probably her favorite because she loved the area so much, but she enjoyed working with passionate young people all over the world. Even when language was a barrier, music was not.

  Several of the students stayed after the allotted time to ask more questions. Ava took all the time needed to answer each query in detail. Once the last student filed out, Ava spent a few moments putting away her violin and packing up her messenger bag. She glanced toward the back of the room and was pleasantly surprised to see Bianca still there, still watching her. She slung her bag over her shoulder, grabbed her violin case, and strode up the aisle toward her. “Hi.”

  “Hello. I hope you didn’t mind I snuck in to watch,” Bianca said.

  “Not at all, I only wish I’d thought to invite you myself.” They moved toward the exit and walked out into the bright sunshine.

  “I enjoyed watching you interact with the students. You have a special way with them. I could tell even from back here that each of them felt seen and heard.”

  “Thank you. That’s quite a compliment. It’s fun for me.”

  “I could tell.”

  “I’ve been wanting to get over to the gardens on the other end of the property. Would you like to go for a walk?”

  “I’d love to. Do you need to put your things in the car or something?”

  “I never leave my violin in a vehicle. I’ll carry it for now,” Ava said.

  “Okay. Since there are many gardens, I’ll let you lead the way.”

  “It’s not too far.” Ava looked around them before she shifted her violin to her right hand so she could reach for Bianca’s hand with her left.

  “Worried someone will see us?”

  “I’d rather Hank not know about us for now.”

  “I guess that makes sense, given our arrangement. Is he here today?”

  “He shouldn’t be, but these days I don’t seem to know what he’s up to. I mean, he did hire a biographer without my knowledge.”

 
“There is that. So, the gardens…do you have a favorite flower?”

  “Hibiscus, petunias, lilies…I love them all and I love trees. Really everything in nature. I try to spend as much time outside as I can, except when I have a chance to visit an art or science museum. I often spend time outside just sitting with my thoughts or getting lost in a great book. The first day I met you, I was headed to sit on the bench where I found you, just to breathe in the fresh air and soak in the beauty Tanglewood offers.”

  “Lucky me. There is a great view from that bench.”

  “It was even better that day.”

  “Right, because a distraught woman always enhances the view.”

  “Not any distraught woman necessarily, I wouldn’t think. But you certainly improve any vista you’re in.”

  “You’re quite the charmer, Ava Wellington.”

  “Am I? I’m only speaking the truth.” Once in the gardens, Ava steered them to a bench. “Would you mind sitting here for a bit?”

  “I guess, sure. Why?”

  Ava pulled her violin from its case. “I’d love to play a song for you, if that’s all right.”

  “In that case, I’ll sit here as long as you like. I love listening to you make beautiful music. For future reference, feel free to play for me, whenever you’d like.”

  Ava raised her violin to her chin and rested the instrument on her shoulder. She began to play. She wanted to play for Bianca. The fact that she’d never felt compelled to play for any other woman didn’t have to mean anything. Did it? Finally, the music gripped her and she let go of conscious thought. She locked eyes with Bianca and played from the heart.

  She felt the music pouring out of her. As though the instrument that was so much a part of her knew what she was trying to communicate. So much emotion, she had nowhere else to put it, except her violin. It’s where she always released her deepest feelings. This was how she could let Bianca know how she felt, because she didn’t have words yet.

  Bianca sat motionless, captivated. She was so easily drawn into the music Ava played. She shivered with the intensity of the emotion Ava conveyed with her violin. Ava was playing solely for her and that increased the effect the music had on Bianca. Even with a warm breeze blowing, Bianca felt goose bumps form on her skin. She couldn’t remember ever experiencing a more perfect musical moment. She shook her head to try to clear the haze. Her gaze dropped to Ava’s long, slender fingers working her instrument.

  It was easy to imagine those magical fingers running up and down her body. She closed her eyes to try to close off the sight flooding her senses, but that only enhanced the images in her mind. She swayed to the music flowing around her and allowed her throbbing center to gently hit the bench over and over again. It wouldn’t quite bring her the release she craved, but it certainly didn’t hurt.

  She licked her suddenly dry lips and clenched her hands on her thighs. If she wasn’t careful she’d forget herself and reach to quench the lovely ache between her legs. She opened her eyes to remind herself that she wasn’t alone and someone else could come by at any moment and disrupt their magical moment. It didn’t help to be confronted with the desire painted in bold strokes across the planes of Ava’s face. Bianca couldn’t be sure if Ava knew how much her playing impacted her, but she was clearly not unaffected herself.

  As the last notes faded on the breeze, Bianca reined in her libido. If this was how she responded to Ava playing one song for her in the middle of the day, how would she survive watching her play night after night? Bianca clapped, genuinely happy to be exactly where she was. Ava lowered her violin and put it back in its case. “That was beautiful, Ava. Thank you for playing for me.”

  “I’m really glad you liked it, but it was my pleasure. Watching you as I play, I know you appreciate the music, very much.”

  Bianca wasn’t sure what to make of Ava’s words. Did she know how turned on she’d been or was she really only talking about her enjoyment of the music?

  Chapter Four

  Bianca stood looking out her back window. She was too preoccupied to actually appreciate the view of her gardens. She held the tour itinerary in her hand. She glanced down again at the list of cities she would be traveling to with Ava. Tomorrow they were headed for San Francisco. Then next week, they embarked upon the first leg of the European tour. Launching in Berlin, followed by Paris, London, Cologne, Hamburg, and Vienna, among others she couldn’t place. She and Karen had not traveled overseas very much, but some of the places she might get to experience with Ava were places she had never even heard of let alone dreamed of going.

  She put the itinerary in her bag and continued to check items off her list. She was almost done packing the necessities, but she wanted to pack a couple of books to read when there was down time. She wandered to her stacks of titles she had yet to read and selected three and added them to the suitcase.

  Bianca knew it seemed like she’d jumped at the chance to write Ava’s biography one way or another, but the truth was she was struggling with the idea. Some biographers might see this situation as questionable, and she had some reservations herself. But the compromise they’d reached was amicable either way. She knew she was already past the point of remaining neutral where Ava was concerned. In fact, she suspected their connection would lead them quickly into an intimate relationship.

  In the end, she decided, it wasn’t completely necessary to remain unattached. Many biographers in the past had gotten close with their subjects, maintaining lifelong friendships even after the book was published. This wasn’t exactly the same thing, but Bianca decided not to give it too much weight at this point. She lost her wife two years ago and hadn’t been intimate with anyone since then. Ava made her feel things, good things and Bianca was definitely ready to explore that.

  She wouldn’t deny Ava made her feel good, and she saw no harm in exploring those feelings. It wasn’t even a predetermined outcome that she would, in fact, be writing Ava’s biography. If Ava consented and agreed to the biography, she’d cross that bridge when she came to it.

  There was no denying she was attracted to Ava. Even from their brief time together, it was obvious Ava found her attractive as well. The kisses they’d shared left no doubt about that. Maybe it was possible for her to simply have a fling. She definitely wouldn’t say no to sexy time with Ava. Bianca fantasized about it, she felt herself flush hot thinking about it. This could be fun. That reminded her, she wanted to take some lingerie.

  Bianca wouldn’t delude herself into believing she wouldn’t develop feelings for Ava. If she became intimate with her, it was bound to happen. That’s the way she was wired. Hell, they’d barely spent more than twelve hours together and she was already quite fond of her. She would thoroughly enjoy the time they had and treasure the memories they created. At least that is what she hoped she’d be able to do. Vigilance was the name of the game. She needed to remain alert for any sign she was getting too clingy or becoming too attached. Ava would be turned off by that she was sure, so she’d have to be on the lookout for that behavior in herself and nip it in the bud if it cropped up.

  Part of her couldn’t believe she and Ava had worked out a compromise that would allow them both to feel good about Bianca joining the tour. Still, Bianca couldn’t bring herself to look beyond the next four or five weeks of the schedule. That’s what they’d agreed to, and if Ava remained opposed to having her biography written after that time, Bianca knew they would need to reassess the bounds of their relationship. Relationship? Wow, you’re already thinking relationship.

  ***

  A part of Ava was thrilled at the prospect of spending quality time with Bianca. The other parts of her were utterly terrified. The part of her that was excited had her pacing endlessly in her hotel room, trying to work off her anxiousness before seeing her again. Nobody had ever affected her as Bianca had. Ava certainly hadn’t been a saint the last two years, but she no longer found her one-night stands as exciting as she once had. She longed for something more…subs
tantial, real, and meaningful. She was tired of having sex without any emotion or connection.

  Maybe tired wasn’t quite right. But these days, more often than not, she preferred to go back to her hotel room alone rather than leave another woman’s room or home after a night of abandon. Whenever she resorted to that recently, she felt lonelier afterward. It didn’t seem worth it anymore. Ava was changing; she just didn’t know exactly what that meant for a woman who lived her life on tour. She craved something deeper, but relationships had never really worked for her. Maybe it was time to try again. This time with someone she hadn’t stopped thinking about for two years.

  Ava knew she was walking a fine line. She didn’t want her biography written. She didn’t want the biggest secret of her life being discovered and divulged. She wasn’t even worried about herself much, but she didn’t want that secret to hurt those she loved most. She couldn’t think of any other way Bianca would have agreed to come on tour with her. So she consented to hold off on making a final decision about the book, but agreed to an article. She had four or five weeks to figure it out. But what if she couldn’t?

  She was grateful when a soft knock on her hotel room door saved her from going down that path again. “Yes?”

  “Hey, it’s Vicki.”

  Ava opened the door for her assistant. “Is it that time already?”

  “Yes, I just need your bags. Then we can swing by and pick up Bianca on the way to the airport.”

  The idea of seeing Bianca again had Ava’s skin humming with excitement. “Great, let’s go.”

  Vicki looked at Ava in surprise. “I thought you didn’t want your life story told.”

  “I don’t,” Ava said without thinking it through.

  Vicki winked and gave her a knowing smile. “Then I’ll just keep how excited you are about seeing your biographer quiet.”

  Ava blew out a hard breath and met Vicki’s gaze. “Thanks.”