Without Pretense Page 18

  “I told you once before you wouldn’t get a lot out of me. I won’t betray Ava by telling anyone about her life.”

  “She’s fortunate to have such a steadfast ally in her corner.”

  “Now you’re just trying to butter me up.”

  “I’m not. I really believe that.”

  The waiter returned to see if they wanted to order food. They made their selections. Then Steven leaned his elbows on the table. “So, I guess there’s not a lot to talk about then.”

  “Well, hang on. What if we talked about you instead?” Bianca asked.

  “Me? What do you mean?” Steven looked skeptical.

  “For example, if I were to ask you how you came to work for Ava, would that be something you’d be comfortable talking about?”

  Steven pondered the question for a few moments. “I suppose.”

  “Then let’s start with that.” Bianca could see the wheels turning as Steven thought about the story.

  “It’s quite embarrassing really.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Well, it involves a reality television show called Salon Wars, a hair dryer, and a dumpster.”

  “I’m all ears.”

  By the time Steven finished his story, Bianca was laughing so hard her sides hurt. If the rest of the conversation went this smoothly, she might actually make some progress.

  “Can I ask you a question now?” Steven asked.

  “Sure, it only seems fair.”

  “Why are you so down lately?”

  “What do you mean?” Bianca tried to deflect. She knew exactly what he meant, but she had no desire to betray Ava either.

  “I think you know. Ever since Paris, things have been different. Even I can see it.”

  “I’m not sure we should talk about this.”

  “Look, I get it, believe me I do,” Steven said. “Let me offer a bit of unsolicited advice.”

  “If you must.”

  “Give her some time.”

  “What do you mean?” Bianca felt like she’d given her nothing but time.

  “She’s not used to having to share focus on more than one person at a time. Having Lara around is new for her, and I’m sure she’s struggling with figuring out how to spend time with you too.”

  “Has she always led such a solitary existence that she really doesn’t know how to balance her time with multiple people?”

  “Think about all you know about her and her life at this point. I’m pretty sure you already know the answer to that.”

  “I hadn’t really thought about it like that.” Even when she did, Bianca wasn’t sure what to do with it. Ava knew she was waiting on her to decide on the larger story. If Ava couldn’t even find time to work with Bianca on the article, what was she even still doing here?

  ***

  Bianca’s pleasure from her meeting with Steven was short-lived. She’d written up her notes in under an hour. She needed Ava to participate to make progress. She tracked her down the next afternoon, after rehearsal ended. “Ava, can I have a word?”

  Ava looked surprised to see her but recovered quickly. “Sure, what’s up?”

  “I need some time with you. My progress has stalled. I think it would help if I could ask you some more questions.”

  “Look I can’t right now. I have plans with Lara.”

  “If not now, when?” Bianca suspected if she let Ava leave without answering her she could go another couple days without hearing anything from her.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “I guess I can continue to interview the people closest to you. Steven was a big help. Maybe I could speak with Lara. You know, get an insider’s look from the little sister.” She knew Ava disliked the idea of her talking to other people, so she hoped this would convince her to pick a time they could talk.

  “That’s not necessary. How about we meet for lunch tomorrow?”

  “Fine. I’ll come to your room around noon.” Bianca hated this tension between them. She couldn’t figure out what had changed, but it didn’t stop the fact that she still had a job to do.

  “Okay. I really should go now. See you then.”

  Ava walked away. There was no way she was going to allow Bianca and Lara to be alone together. She wasn’t crazy about the fact Bianca had forced her hand. But it was a clear choice. She needed to protect Lara. She owed her that much. But maybe if she could be there with her and Lara was comfortable with the idea, it wouldn’t be so bad.

  As far as lunch tomorrow, maybe she could have Vicki find a noisy restaurant that made the conversation difficult. She couldn’t believe she was going to these lengths to avoid true dialogue with Bianca. Things had certainly changed quickly between them. The onus for that was squarely on her shoulders, but she didn’t see a way around it.

  Lara wasn’t ready for her to say anything. She had no choice but to continue to remain mute about anything to do with Lara or Damon for fear she’d reveal the secret. But surely she could make it through one lunch. She cared about Bianca. Certainly they could find something else to talk about.

  ***

  When Ava got back to her suite, Lara was lounging on the sofa staring at what appeared to be an action movie on the television. Ava sat on the chair nearby and stared at the screen without really seeing anything. Her mind was still spinning from her encounter with Bianca. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but eventually she noticed the noise had stopped. The movie was over. She glanced over at Lara who was studying her.

  “You all right?” Lara asked.

  “Yeah, I’m all right.”

  “Really? Because you just stared into space for the last forty-five minutes.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize. I ran into Bianca after rehearsal. She wants to talk with you.”

  “About what?”

  “Me. She wants to interview you. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I can tell her no.”

  “Do you not want me to?”

  “It’s not that. I just feel like…I should protect you.”

  “Do I need protection from Bianca?”

  “That’s not what I meant. But Bianca has an uncanny ability to get people talking about things, and I don’t want her to make you uncomfortable or put you in a position you’re not ready for.”

  “You didn’t tell her anything about…you know.”

  “About me being your birth mother?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No, of course not. You asked me not to and I won’t say anything until you’re ready.”

  “About that…” Lara said. “I think I might be ready to start telling people.”

  “Really?” Ava had mixed feelings about this news. On the one hand, if Lara was comfortable enough to share this information, it meant she had accepted it and was ready to live life with this as the new normal. But it also meant Ava no longer had an excuse to keep it from Bianca. She wasn’t sure she was ready to tell her. Ava was still quite concerned about how Bianca would react to her having given up her daughter. She hoped Bianca would be compassionate about the fact she was so young and it had been the best option for Lara. But…she couldn’t know that for sure.

  Lara shrugged. “Yeah, I think maybe I am.”

  Ava thought for a moment about how best to respond. “You can take some more time if you need it. There’s no need to rush into anything.”

  “Maybe you’re right. I feel like telling Bianca might take the story out of our hands,” Lara said.

  “That’s always a possibility. But, she’s not likely to ask you about any of that.”

  “In that case, I’m pretty sure I can handle some questions. But if you want, why don’t you tell her I’ll only do it while you’re in the room?”

  “That wouldn’t be weird for you?” Ava felt like a coward that she hadn’t taken the chance to get Lara onboard with telling Bianca the truth. But she needed a little more time.

  “No. She wants to ask me questions about my sister, right?”

  “Yes, that’s what
she said.”

  “Then I have no problem with my sister being there.”

  “Okay. I’ll let her know.” Ava took out her phone and sent Bianca a text. After receiving an immediate reply, she looked up at Lara. “You okay doing this right now?”

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “All right, she says she’ll be over in a few minutes.”

  Quicker than Ava expected or was ready for, there was a knock at the door. She went to answer it and let Bianca into the suite.

  Bianca walked in and made eye contact with Lara. “I appreciate you agreeing to this on such short notice.”

  “Sure,” Lara said. “Why don’t you have a seat and we can get started.”

  “Okay.” Bianca took the same chair Ava had just vacated.

  Ava found her tablet and sat at the table nearby. She wanted to be present but not in the way. From this spot, she could hear the conversation but not be a part of it. She was close in case Lara needed her.

  Bianca settled into the chair. She wasn’t used to having a third person in the room unless she was interviewing a couple, but if this was the only way Lara would agree to meet with her, then she would make it work. She studied Lara for a few minutes, trying to decide where to start.

  “Lara, thank you for doing this.”

  “Sure, I’m happy to help. What would you like to know?”

  “What are three words you would use to describe Ava?”

  “Thoughtful, generous, and loving,” Lara said very quickly.

  “That was fast.”

  “It wasn’t a hard question.”

  “Fair enough. Tell me why you picked those three words.”

  “Ava travels all over the world for her music, so I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like, but every time she comes to London or we travel to one of her shows, every single time she has something for me. Usually something she saw that made her think of me, a particular book she thought I’d like or special picks for my guitar. So, even though we don’t spend a lot of time together, I know that she loves me. If she didn’t she wouldn’t bother to show up for every birthday and special occasion. Her schedule is full, but she’s always made time for me.”

  “I think those words fit her perfectly too. Okay, let’s move on,” Bianca said.

  Ava couldn’t quite believe her ears. She had no idea the little gifts and trinkets she’d brought Lara over the years had made such an impact. They were things she’d found and bought out of love for Lara. It was nice to hear they resonated for Lara as well.

  She was also impressed with how Lara was handling the interview. She had grown up so much and Ava had been too busy to notice that she was virtually an adult fully capable of making her own decisions. She was glad she’d thought to give Lara a choice to do this interview or not.

  Maybe she didn’t have to worry so much about Bianca being around. Although she was still afraid her guilt would make her say something she would later regret. For now, she knew she had to continue to keep her distance. But damn if it wasn’t eating her up. She wanted more than anything for things with Bianca to go back to the way they’d been at the beginning of the tour.

  She knew that wasn’t possible. At least not until she was able to tell her the truth. Will Bianca ever understand why I gave up my daughter? Not for the first time since she’d reconnected with Bianca, Ava wondered what her life would be like if she’d made different choices when she was younger. She had begun questioning everything.

  ***

  The next morning a summer storm raged outside Bianca’s bedroom window. The clash of thunder and flash of lightning woke her from a deep sleep. As soon as she realized what the sounds and lights were that disturbed her, she was able to calm her racing heart. She pulled the covers her head as she realized her sightseeing plans were a no-go for today. She’d have to think of something to do inside. Maybe she’d read for a bit. She had been looking forward to reading the latest Aurora Rey story.

  She flung off the covers, climbed out of bed, and pulled on her robe. She found the book and curled up in the wingback chair. As she turned the page, she heard something that intrigued her. She would know Ava’s music anywhere now. What was she doing playing so early in the morning?

  She grabbed her key card. She was surprised to find the door of Ava’s suite wide open. From the hallway she could see Ava facing the door, her eyes closed tightly. She was playing as though her life depended on it. Bianca knocked on the open door so she wouldn’t startle Ava. There was no reaction as though Ava didn’t hear the knock at all. Bianca stepped through the door and slowly approached Ava.

  As she walked farther into the room, Bianca realized Lara was nowhere in sight, and the heavy curtains were pulled to cover the sliding glass doors like someone was trying to block out the thunderstorm. While Bianca could still hear the storm outside, she saw nothing except the occasional flash of light around the edges of the drapery. She stopped a few feet from Ava and tried to call her, but there was still no response.

  She didn’t want to startle Ava so she simply stood and listened to the music pouring out. Once the song ended, Ava opened her eyes and jumped at the sight of Bianca.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Bianca said.

  “What?” Ava asked.

  “I said I’m sorry.”

  “Wait,” Ava said. She put down her violin and bow and pulled earplugs from her ears. “What?”

  “I’m sorry I frightened you.”

  “Oh. I’m fine.”

  “Why are you wearing earplugs to play the violin?”

  “I’m not. I’m playing the violin because the earplugs didn’t totally help.”

  “Help what?”

  “Block out the storm. I’m not very fond of thunder.”

  A loud clap made Ava jump again and she looked longingly at her instrument as though seeking comfort.

  “Hey, Ava, look at me,” Bianca said. “Look into my eyes.”

  Ava did as instructed. “That helps some.” Ava didn’t jump as badly during the next clap of thunder. Bianca took her hand and led her to the couch.

  “Talk to me. I didn’t know you were scared of thunderstorms.”

  “I usually block out the fear. I don’t even like to think about it or I pretend it’s not true, which works as long as we’re not in the middle of a thunderstorm.”

  “Sure. Keep looking at me. Nothing in this room is going to hurt you.”

  “Maybe we could talk about something else to get my mind off the weather?”

  “Of course we can. Anything you want,” Bianca said.

  “How about paella?”

  “I love paella.”

  “Me too.”

  “No, I don’t think you understand how much I love paella. It may be my favorite food in the whole world aside from my mother’s cooking,” Bianca said.

  “I can relate. I’ve been all over the world and I try to find the best paella restaurants I can.”

  “Really? How am I just hearing about this now? I’ve never found anyone who enjoyed paella as much as I do.”

  Ava reached for her tablet. “I can prove it. I take pictures of all the different paellas and the places I have them, so I can go there again if it’s worth having.”

  They scrolled through the pictures for a few minutes as Ava described the places and flavors of some of her favorite paella experiences.

  “Where is the best place for paella in London?”

  “What’s in it for me if I tell you?” Ava asked playfully.

  “Anything you want.” For the first time in weeks, Bianca felt like they were really clicking again. This is what the first few weeks of their trip had been like, playful and carefree. She missed the easy conversations and it was nice to be feeling this again.

  “Really? What if I just take you there?”

  “Come on, Ava, you have to tell me. You can’t keep something like that all to yourself. Tell me the secret.”

  “All right, all right. But you must
promise to keep it to under wraps. If too many people find out, it could make things difficult.”

  “I promise.”

  “Okay, the truth is—”

  “I can’t believe you’re going to tell her when we just agreed yesterday that would take the story out of our hands,” Lara shouted.

  Ava whirled around and stood up. She tried to block Bianca from the anger she saw on Lara’s face. She replayed the last couple sentences in her head and knew what Lara must be thinking. “Lara, this is not what you think it is. We were talking about—”

  “It’s obvious what you were talking about. How could you do this without checking with me?”

  “No really, Lara, I promise we weren’t.” Ava looked at Bianca who wore a look of surprised confusion. “Bianca was just asking me—”

  “I heard what she asked you. She wanted to know your secret and you were about to tell her I’m—”

  “Lara, stop!”

  “—your daughter.”

  An eerie silence descended on the room. Even the storm seemed to be holding its breath. Bianca got to her feet. She looked at Ava and then she turned to Lara. “Excuse me, you’re her what?”

  “Bianca, I can explain,” Ava said.

  Bianca didn’t look at her; she continued looking at Lara.

  Lara looked between the two of them, the fight seeming to have drained from her. Then she raised her head and looked directly at Bianca. “I’m her daughter. That’s what she was about to tell you.”

  “Actually, she was about to tell me about the best place in London to find paella.”

  “Paella?”

  “Yes, but I guess I’ll have to find out about that another time as it seems the two of you may need to talk.” Bianca headed for the still open door.

  “Bianca, wait,” Ava said, more panicked than she was during the thunderstorm.

  Bianca turned to Ava again. “Clearly, you and Lara need to figure some things out. I don’t want to get in the way.”

  “We should talk,” Ava said. She looked at Lara, and her concern for her overrode everything else. “Soon, we should talk soon.”

  “I’m all talked out right now anyway,” Bianca said. “I need some time.” She walked across the hall and let herself into her room.