Without Pretense Read online

  She walked to the tall windows and leaned her forehead to the cool glass. The scene below, Paris at night, usually energized her. Tonight she didn’t even see it. Her mind drifted back more than eighteen years, to the day she and Damon first met. Their relationship had been brief, but there was no way she could ever forget it. After all, she had a constant reminder.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Bianca slept poorly. She was upset Ava had shut her out, but she was torn because she also understood the need for privacy. She already missed having Ava’s arms around her during the night. The combination left her restless. When her eyes popped open just after first light, she gave up the fight and flung the duvet back. She dressed quickly and escaped the confines of her room to wander the streets of Paris before it teemed with tourists.

  She walked with no destination in mind. She briefly considered purchasing a croissant or a loaf of the wonderful smelling bread fresh out of the oven. Several shops she passed had loaves in the window, but she wasn’t hungry and didn’t want it to go to waste. As she meandered along the Seine, she didn’t really see it. Ava filled her mind and clouded her thoughts. She already cared for her deeply.

  Bianca eventually tired of the thoughts circling around in her head with no answers. There was only one person who could give her the answers she sought. The question was whether Ava was willing to share her story. There was only one way to find out. She turned back toward the hotel and quickened her pace.

  She disembarked from the elevator and rounded the corner to her room. She stopped short. Ava stood in front of her door, desperately pounding, and her voice was raised enough for Bianca to hear it down the hall. “Bianca, please answer the door, I know you’re in there.”

  “Actually, I’m not.”

  Ava whirled in her direction so quickly that Bianca nearly took a step back.

  “Bianca?” A whisper of sadness and confusion. “I thought you were avoiding me.”

  “I was out walking. Why don’t we go inside?”

  Ava stepped aside so Bianca could insert her key card.

  Bianca pushed into the room and crossed the expanse to lay her bag on the far table. She took a deep breath before turning back to Ava. The distance between them felt ten times greater than the space separating them. Ava looked lost with her hands slipped into her pockets.

  “What can I do for you?” Bianca’s voice sounded hollow to her own ears.

  Sadness filled Ava’s eyes and she took a step forward. “Accept my apology. I’m sorry for the way I behaved last night.”

  Bianca took a step closer to Ava. “Apology accepted.”

  Ava sagged in relief until Bianca’s next words left her reeling.

  “Will you tell me what’s really going on?”

  “I want to, but….”

  “But?” Bianca asked.

  She closed the distance to Bianca and grasped her hands. “Please believe me, Bianca, I wish I could tell you all of it right here and now, but it’s not my story alone and I need to talk to some other people first. Would you please give me a little time to sort it all out? I promise I will tell you everything when I can.”

  Bianca looked into Ava’s eyes and saw the honesty there. As much as she wanted to know why Ava had been so affected by Damon Blake, she could give Ava the time she asked for. She breathed a soft sigh. “Okay.”

  Relief blanketed Ava’s face. She hugged Bianca tightly. “Thank you.” Ava took a step back but gently held Bianca’s hands. “May I take you to breakfast?”

  “I’m going to have to ask for a rain check. I didn’t sleep well and will probably lie back down for a while.”

  “Would you like some company?”

  Bianca gently shook her head, trying to lessen the blow she knew Ava would feel. “Not this morning.”

  Ava tried to be stoic, but Bianca could see the questions in her eyes. “Okay, I’ll let you get some rest then. Will I see you later?”

  “Of course, I’ll be at the show if I don’t see you before that.”

  “All right, sleep well.”

  “Thanks. Have a good day.”

  As Bianca closed the door behind her, Ava blew out a breath. She was crestfallen. Bianca had accepted her apology and said

  she would give her time to tell her the story, but she left the room feeling more distant from Bianca than she had when she went in. She could only think of one way to make it better, so she needed to get started.

  She let herself into her room. She called Vicki. “I need you to track down a number for me.” After giving her the details, she hung up. She wasn’t surprised when Vicki called her back ten minutes later with Damon Blake’s cell phone number. She didn’t want to wait until this afternoon, at the hall, to have this conversation. As soon as she had a number, she called, afraid if she waited another minute she might not ever make that call. He answered on the third ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Damon, it’s Ava. We need to talk.”

  “Name the place and time.”

  “Where are you right now?”

  “Same place as you. Room 706.”

  “I’ll be right there.” Ava didn’t wait for a response. She hung up, grabbed her key card, and headed downstairs. In less than two minutes, she stood outside Damon’s door. She took a deep breath and knocked.

  Damon opened the door almost immediately. “That was fast.”

  “It’s important.” Ava’s words were clipped.

  “Clearly.” He stepped back.

  As she crossed the threshold, Ava’s hands were clammy and she had a hard time catching her breath. Her throat felt constricted. “Water.” She cleared her throat and tried again. “Could I have some water, please?”

  “Here, why don’t you sit down?”

  “Thanks.” Ava sank onto the settee and took a long sip of water.

  Damon pulled out the desk chair and sat across from her, simply waiting. When Ava didn’t speak and instead stared at him for several moments, he asked, “Ava, what’s going on?”

  “I need to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago.”

  Damon looked confused. “Okay.”

  Ava wiped her palms on her legs. “I imagine you remember the circumstances of our parting ways.”

  Damon nodded. “Of course. We were young and foolish and I got you pregnant. You left school to take care of it, and then you transferred the following year and I never saw you again. Until last night that is.”

  Ava stared into Damon’s eyes, but her focus was in the past, then she refocused on him. She cleared her throat and spoke in a rush to get it all out. “So the part you don’t know, when I said I took care of it…I didn’t have an abortion. I had the baby. My parents adopted her.”

  “What?” Damon leapt to his feet and closed the distance between them and knelt in front of Ava. “What are you saying?”

  “We have a daughter.”

  Ava watched as a range of emotions crossed Damon’s face. The joy and excitement were a surprise. The regret and anger were not.

  “How could you not tell me?”

  “You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be saddled with the responsibility. You even offered me money to get rid of the baby, or don’t you remember that part?”

  Damon seemed to rein in his anger and bowed his head with the weight of that memory. “I remember. And I’ve regretted my reaction many times over the years.”

  “What?”

  “I shouldn’t have left you to deal with it on your own. I should have helped you through it, whatever you ultimately decided. It was my responsibility too and I failed you. I’ve struggled with that.”

  Ava sighed and released some of the anger she had held onto for too long. “We were young.”

  “We were, but not so young I didn’t know better. I’m sorry, Ava. Can you forgive me?”

  “If you can forgive me.”

  Damon met Ava’s eyes. “I think I understand why you did what you did.”

  Ava stud
ied Damon and finally let go of her anger and some of her guilt. “I did think about having an abortion like we talked about, but when I confessed to my parents how conflicted I was, they offered another solution. I’ve wondered over the years if I took the easy way out or if I should have made a different decision.”

  “What do you think now?”

  “I think our daughter is brilliant, beautiful, and bold. And she’s had loving parents to raise her as they did me.”

  “I’d like to meet her.”

  Ava offered a weak smile. “Could you give me a little time with that? She doesn’t know about you. She doesn’t even know about me.”

  Damon lifted himself to sit on the settee beside Ava. “I can’t imagine how hard it must have been keeping that from her all these years.”

  “It seemed like what was best, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Lara, her name is Lara.”

  Damon breathed the name as if were precious, “Lara.” Then he looked at Ava. “How do you plan to tell her?”

  Ava shrugged. “I’ll think of something. I have to prepare my parents too.”

  “I’m sure. Oh, by the way, your friend Bianca has been trying to reach me.”

  “You need to avoid her.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she can’t know anything about Lara, at least not until I’ve told Lara. She’s an experienced reporter. If she smells even a whiff of this story, she’ll dig until she gets to the bottom of it. I’m afraid she already suspects. I didn’t handle seeing you last night very well.”

  “So why is she here?”

  “I could tell you it’s because my manager convinced me that getting my story out into the world would help me spread the music to more people. I do believe that to be true. But why is it Bianca’s here rather than someone who wouldn’t work so hard to find the whole story? That answer is much more complicated.”

  “Fair enough. I’ll avoid her. Just remember to keep me up to date on Lara. I do want to meet her.”

  “I will.”

  Ava had been ready for a fight. Damon’s response had surprised her and left her head spinning yet again. He even walked her to the door and gave her a heartfelt hug before she left. She hugged him tightly. “I’ll be in touch.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.” He really seemed to mean it.

  Now that she had unlocked the door to the past, Ava wanted to get it all out in the open. She considered hopping on a flight and trying to see her parents and Lara today, but she knew there wasn’t time to have the conversations she needed and be back before the show tonight. Fortunately, the tour would take her to London in three days. Hopefully by then, she would figure out what she wanted to say.

  ***

  Ava was mentally exhausted by the end of the concert the following night. Her mind had been racing all day. She had managed to get through the show by concentrating on an image in her mind of Bianca. She pretended she was playing only for her. She wanted to be with Bianca tonight, but she wasn’t sure if Bianca wanted to be with her. She still felt strange about the way they had left things yesterday.

  As she was removing her stage makeup there was a knock at the door. “Come in.”

  Her heart lifted when Bianca walked through the door. “That was a wonderful show.”

  “I’m glad you thought so. I was having a hard time focusing. I only got through that whole show because I imagined I was playing for you, to you.”

  “Well, how about we go back to the hotel and you give me another show?” Bianca asked.

  “I’d love to, but I’m afraid I might be too tired. Would you be terribly disappointed if we had a bath and watched a movie tonight?” Ava asked.

  “That sounds pretty fabulous to me right now.”

  “Brilliant.”

  Bianca gently shook Ava awake as they arrived at the hotel. “Ava, we’re here.”

  “Did I fall asleep on you?”

  “You did. You must really be exhausted. Maybe I should just let you get some sleep.”

  “No, please, I’d really like you to stay with me tonight. I’m sure that little cat nap gave me a second wind.”

  “All right, come on then.” Bianca led the way to Ava’s room. “Would you still like a bath?”

  “If you’ll join me.”

  “Okay. I’ll go start the water. You get undressed.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Bianca shook her head. She knew Ava was more tired than she was letting on. Once she got the water temperature right, she plugged the tub and poured some bubble bath the hotel had generously provided into the steaming water. She quickly undressed and went to find Ava. She was sitting on the bed, naked from the waist up, with one shoe off and one on.

  She looked up when Bianca came in. “I’m fading a bit. Would you mind helping me?”

  “Perhaps we should forget the bath and climb into bed.”

  “Maybe a short bath?”

  Bianca knelt in front of her and removed her remaining shoe. Then she unbuttoned her trousers. “Stand up and step out of these.”

  Ava complied with the instructions. She reached down, offering her hand to Bianca and pulled her up. “Thank you.”

  “Right back at you. Now let’s get you in the tub.”

  Once they were situated with Ava in front, between Bianca’s legs, Bianca began massaging her shoulders. “You’re hard as a rock.”

  “Yeah, those arrangements were a lot of work tonight. Thank you for this. Your hands are magic.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, relax and let me work out the kinks.” Bianca moved from Ava’s shoulders to her neck, then down her back and finally returned to her shoulders. Ava’s head began to loll and Bianca knew if they didn’t get out soon, she’d have a very hard time getting Ava into bed. “Time to get out.”

  Ava scooted forward and Bianca climbed out first. She was able to help guide Ava when she stood. She wrapped a towel around her and led her back to the bed. “Sit down.”

  Ava collapsed onto the bed as if her strength had deserted her.

  Bianca took another towel and carefully dried Ava. Then with minimal help from Ava, she was able to get her under the covers. She returned to the bathroom to drain the tub and dry herself. Then she turned out the lights and slid under the sheets with Ava. She pulled Ava to her, so her head lay on Bianca’s shoulder. Ava was fast asleep.

  Bianca wasn’t sure what was going on. She didn’t think it really had anything to do with tough arrangements. Ava had never been that tense after playing before, at least in the short time she’d been able to touch her after the concerts. She suspected both her exhaustion and stress had more to do with Damon Blake than Ava was willing to share.

  Things had changed after he’d shown up. She was concerned that Ava felt like she needed to keep something from her. She considered for a moment trying to figure out what was going on by herself, but she’d said she would give Ava time. So, that was exactly what she was going to do. Maybe in time Ava would trust her enough to share what was happening with her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ava asked the driver to drop her off at the end of the block. She needed a few minutes to settle her nerves and calm her racing thoughts. The walk would help. She had always loved the avenue her parents’ home sat on. Each house had a small private garden in back. The sidewalks and shrubbery planted next to them were meticulously maintained year-round. In the spring and summer flowers bloomed from bushes along the street.

  She paused on her route now to appreciate the aromas of the summer blooms. Her anxiety ratcheted down to a manageable level. She could do this. She needed to do this. If she couldn’t handle this, how would she possibly handle talking to Lara? It was time. She was committed to her plan. Now, she simply had to execute it.

  She stood before her parents’ front gate and studied the double fronted house. She had so many wonderful memories behind those doors. She hoped with everything she was that her request today would
n’t taint them all. She had to believe her parents would understand and agree with her that this needed to be done. Lara deserved to know the truth.

  ***

  Ava sat ramrod straight on the settee in her parents’ parlor facing them both. She had just dropped a bombshell on them and awaited their reaction. She had no idea how they would respond to her request to tell Lara the truth about her birth parents. As far as she knew she had only disappointed her parents once, and she didn’t want this to be a second time.

  Her mum spoke first. “Why now? Why after all this time?” Her voice was as gentle and calm as it always was.

  “She deserves to know the truth, and I’m finally ready to answer her questions.” At least I hope I am. Either way, it’s time.

  Ava’s father raised an eyebrow, which showed a lot of emotion for him. “And it has nothing to do with the book?”

  Ava sighed. “Not exactly. It’s certainly a factor with the timing. I can’t let her be blindsided, whether this book ever happens or she finds out some other way. She deserves to know the truth. I would really like to be the one to tell her. She should be able to ask me anything she wants without rumors and inaccuracies muddying the conversation.”

  “You know you don’t have to do this on your own,” her mum said. “We’ve been waiting for you to be ready.”

  “I appreciate that,” Ava said. “I feel like this is something I need to do. In a lot of ways I got away from the whole thing back then unscathed. I need to be the one to explain. If she ends up hating me, she’ll still have you both to rely on as we both always have.”

  “She won’t hate you,” her mum said.

  “I hope you’re right, but I worry she will be angry and hurt for quite some time. It’s a lot and I don’t want to take that lightly.”

  Her parents exchanged a meaningful look. Her father gave a quick nod. “Fine.”