Without Pretense Read online

  “Can I ask you something?” Lara asked as she pulled her ear buds out.

  “I think we’ve established you can ask me anything you want,” Ava said.

  “You seem really sad. Are you?”

  “I am.”

  “Why?”

  Ava thought for a moment. How much should she share? What she was feeling was a lot to drop on a teenager. Finally, she decided to keep it simple and let Lara direct the conversation. “I miss Bianca.”

  “But I thought you didn’t want your biography written.”

  “The only real problem I had with it was I didn’t want you to be hurt. But it’s more complicated than that. Bianca wasn’t just my biographer.”

  “What do mean? Oh, wait, like she was your girlfriend?”

  “Yes. But it went deeper than that, at least for me. I really care about her.”

  “You love her.”

  “I do.” It helped a little to admit it out loud.

  “So what happened?”

  “It’s…”

  “Complicated, I get it. So, break it down for me.”

  Ava studied Lara for several moments. “You’re sure you want to hear all this?”

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”

  Taking Lara at her word, Ava began her story, from the first time she saw Bianca on the bench at Tanglewood. She told her about the two years where she thought about Bianca and wondered if she’d ever see her again. About her joy at seeing her from that same bench only a couple of months before. Then she shared with Lara what the past two months had meant to her. “I’ve never felt this way about another woman. I’m in love with her and I messed it all up.”

  “Because of me?”

  “No, not exactly. You asked me not to say anything, and I wasn’t willing to break my promise to you. I’m certain if that’s all that was between us we could have made it work. Bianca also feels like she let her profession down by not digging in to uncover the real story of what I was hiding from her. She feels like she failed as a writer because she and I had a relationship.”

  “She shouldn’t be so hard on herself. There’s no way she could have figured out about us even if she’d done a ton of digging. Is there?”

  “I don’t know. She seems to think she could have found something. That she should have. That’s a pretty high hurdle to overcome since nothing I can say will ever convince her otherwise. She did find out that I left school for a while, and I was the one that asked her not to look too hard into why.”

  “Is that what’s standing between you?”

  “It’s part of it. The biggest problem, as I see it though, was I never told her how I felt about her. I was too scared. I have never said the words to anyone and I just couldn’t convince myself that Bianca would want to hear them or could return the feelings. She said she wanted to keep things between us easy and light. They weren’t light for me, even from the very beginning. I should have been honest with her from the start.”

  “So tell her now. Go fix it.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “That’s the same as saying it’s complicated.”

  “Well, it is.”

  “What have you got to lose by telling her how you feel? You’re pretty miserable right now. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way, don’t you want to know that? Don’t you want to fight for what you want rather than wonder about what might have been your whole life…again?”

  She did get it. “You make an excellent point.”

  “I know.”

  ***

  Bianca briefly grieved the loss of her relationship with Ava. She wouldn’t allow herself to wallow. She had only herself to blame. Nobody needed to know that she still thought of her often or that her heart ached when something sparked a memory of their time together.

  Shortly after she left the tour, she wrote a series of profiles on Ava. While she would not be writing Ava’s biography, she didn’t want all she’d learned about the amazing woman and musician to go to waste. She steered quite clear of anything remotely close to Ava’s family. The stories she wrote helped bring a bit of closure to her time with Ava.

  A month after she returned home, Bianca decided she needed something new to focus on. She called Wren Stark.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Wren, it’s Bianca Vega.”

  “Oh, Bianca, so nice to hear from you. Where are you these days?”

  “I’m at home in Massachusetts.”

  “I’m surprised. I thought you would be touring for months yet.”

  “If I was still working on Ava’s biography I probably would be. That project isn’t going to pan out. It’s a long story that I’d rather not get into right now.”

  “Okay, I understand. So, what can I do for you today?” Wren asked.

  “Well, I have nothing on my schedule for the foreseeable future. I was wondering if you were still interested in having me ghostwrite your autobiography.”

  “Of course I am.”

  “Is now a good time to talk specifics or should we set up a meeting for that?”

  “Now is as good a time as any. Let me just get a pad so I can take some notes.”

  Once they ironed out the details, Wren said, “I’ll get this stuff over to my manager and have her send you the contract.”

  “Wonderful, thank you,” Bianca said. “So, once that’s all squared away, where do you want me to meet up with you?”

  “Next Saturday there is a Women’s Performers Gala in Atlanta. Why don’t you fly in Friday afternoon and we’ll have dinner? Then you can accompany me to the gala the next day. The real work can start the following Monday. How would that work for you?”

  “One question, when you say ‘accompany you to the gala’ what do you mean?” Bianca didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings, so it was best to ask for clarification rather than be stuck in the ambiguity.

  “Oh, I meant strictly as a friend and as my ghostwriter. Having my story written is very important to me, and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.”

  “I appreciate that. I’m sorry if that was rude, but after my last experience I just wanted clear expectations.”

  “Not rude at all. It’s always good to know exactly where things stand. So, shall I have my assistant book your flight for Friday?”

  “Yes, that sounds like a plan.”

  “I’ll ask her to send you a copy of the rest of the itinerary so you know what to pack.”

  “Thank you. I’ll see you Friday then.”

  “Wonderful. I’m looking forward to getting started.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The flight to Atlanta had been uneventful, and dinner with Wren the night before had been pleasant. Now, as Bianca dressed for the gala, she couldn’t help but think of all the fancy events she’d attended with Ava. The gown she wore tonight was new, but she had worn many like it to accompany Ava to donor events and similar functions. She had to figure out a way to stop thinking about Ava and move on with her life.

  There was a knock on the door and she opened it. “Good evening, Wren. Are you always so punctual?”

  “Rarely, actually, but I’m excited about tonight and have been ready for a while. I’m totally going to fan girl all over Amy Ray and Emily Saliers.”

  “I see.” Bianca grinned at Wren’s excitement and grabbed her clutch. “Well, shall we go then?”

  “Absolutely. You look beautiful, by the way.”

  “Thank you.”

  Since they were staying at the hotel across the street from the Fox Theater where the gala was being held, the trip was very short. Once they were inside, Wren turned to Bianca. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “Sure. A white wine would be lovely. A Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc, preferably.”

  “On it.”

  While Wren was at the bar, Bianca took a few minutes to admire the decorating. The spaces she could see from this spot were glitzy and shiny, the perfect backdrop for a night celebrating women perfo
rmers.

  “Here you go.”

  Bianca turned to Wren and accepted the offered glass. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” Wren said absently as she looked at something over Bianca’s shoulder. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  “I suppose.”

  “How did you leave things with Ava?”

  “Do you want to get into that right now?”

  “Well, not really, but since she just walked in, I hope you’re at least on amicable terms. If not, I won’t mind if you need to leave.”

  “I appreciate that. I might just need to. If I disappear, I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”

  “If you decide to stick around, save a dance for me, okay?”

  “You got it.”

  Bianca finally turned around and saw Ava standing across the room. All the feelings she’d tried to bury came rushing back. Why hadn’t she prepared herself better? How could she have? She didn’t know Ava was going to be here. She should have at least known it was a possibility. She was a woman performer after all. Bianca had stopped following Ava’s schedule after she left the tour. It was just too hard.

  She was only kidding herself to think she was over Ava. She was still madly in love with her. There was too much between them though. It would never work. She offered a small smile in acknowledgement and then she turned away. Seeing Ava was too painful. She needed air. She quickly made her way to the open terrace doors.

  ***

  As soon as Ava had walked through the doors, her gaze was drawn to Bianca. Before Bianca saw her though, she had turned around to accept a glass of wine from Wren Stark. Why were they here together? Had Bianca already moved on? Then Bianca turned around and met her gaze. She smiled briefly. Ava’s heart lifted. Then Bianca turned and headed for the doors.

  Watching her walk away again hurt Ava’s heart. She wasn’t going to let it happen this time without trying to change it. She followed Bianca outside. Once she realized Bianca had simply stepped out onto the terrace, Ava took a moment to catch her breath. Bianca was facing away from her. She walked over to Bianca and stood beside her. “Good evening, Bianca, what a pleasant surprise to see you here.”

  “Ava,” Bianca said making only the barest hint of eye contact.

  “Do you hate me so much you can’t even look at me?”

  Bianca did turn to her fully then. “I don’t hate you.”

  Ava was relieved to hear that, but something was definitely going on. Bianca was different. “How are you? And the family?”

  “I’m fine. My family is all well and yours?”

  Ava hated the impersonal conversation, something she might share with a stranger. She had to get Bianca to talk to her like she used to. “Everyone is healthy. I saw you with Wren Stark earlier. Are you here together?” What she really wanted to ask is, “Are you together?”

  “Yes, I’m here as Wren’s guest.”

  “Oh.” Ava wasn’t sure what else to say. “Perhaps I should let you get back to her then.” It was the last thing she wanted to do.

  “It’s not like that. I’m ghostwriting her autobiography. We are not together.”

  “Oh.”

  Bianca laughed. “I remember you having a much stronger vocabulary.”

  Ava’s heart lifted hearing the humor in Bianca’s voice. “I’m sure it’s still here somewhere, I just…I’m not sure what to say to you.”

  “What do you want to say?”

  “I want to say I’m sorry that things turned out the way they did. I miss you and I wish we could start over. Could we do that? Have a fresh start?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Bianca, would you go on a date with me?”

  “I’m sorry, Ava, I can’t.” She really did look sad about it.

  “Okay, I guess I should leave you alone then.” Ava had to get out of here before she turned to a pile of mush.

  “Why? Surely after everything, we can still be friends, can’t we?” Bianca asked.

  “See, that’s just it. I don’t want to be friends with you or not just friends anyway. Bianca, I should have been honest with you before you started touring with us. When we agreed to keep our relationship easy and carefree, I should have told you then it never was for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “From the day you came back into my life I began falling in love with you. Every day we spent together made that feeling grow. Every adventure we had it deepened. For the first time in my life I understood what all those happy love songs are about. Then, when you left, I realized why all the sad love songs have a place of their own. I was devastated.

  “There is this hole in my heart and you are the only one that will fill it. I am in love with you, Bianca. I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way, but I understand. Or at least I’ll try to. Now maybe you can see why we can’t be friends, at least not yet. I need some more time to get over you. I’m going to go.” Ava turned away from Bianca.

  Bianca laid a hand on her arm. “Wait.”

  “What?”

  “Are you messing with me right now or did you really mean what you just said?”

  “I meant every word.”

  Bianca stepped into Ava’s space leaving only a hair’s distance between them. “Then you should kiss me now.”

  “But…”

  “Kiss. Me.”

  Ava lifted her hand and cupped Bianca’s cheek. She caressed her lips with her thumb. Then she moved her hand to her neck and bent forward slightly. She gently traced Bianca’s lips with her tongue and then she kissed her deeply and thoroughly.

  When Ava lifted her head, her eyes were dark and full of questions. “I’m confused. Was that good-bye?”

  “If you truly meant what you said, I’d say it’s hello.”

  “I don’t understand. You said you couldn’t go on a date with me, so where does that leave us?”

  “Ava, darling, that was before I knew how you felt. I’m so deeply in love with you that the idea of going back into something casual with you was simply too difficult to consider.”

  “Wait, what did you just say?”

  “Ava, I’m in love with you.”

  “Oh, thank the goddess. I love you so much, Bianca.”

  “I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”

  “I’ll never tire of saying it.”

  They stood and looked at one another for several moments as the emotions washed over them. Ava finally broke the silence. “What do we do now?”

  Bianca held out her hand. “Now we dance.”

  Epilogue

  Two years later

  “Ava, are you ready?” Bianca asked from the doorway of their bedroom.

  Ava laid down her hairbrush, and then spun on her seat to face Bianca. “Come here, sweetheart.”

  Bianca walked to Ava and looked down at Ava in her fitted tuxedo jacket. “Hi, wife.”

  “You’d think after a year, I’d get tired of that, but I still love hearing it.”

  “Good, because I love saying it and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.”

  “How are you feeling?” Ava asked.

  “Really good, the morning sickness seems to be behind me,” Bianca said.

  “I’m so glad.” Ava leaned forward and kissed Bianca’s abdomen. “Thank you for taking it easy on your mama, little one. You grow strong and healthy in there.” When Ava looked back up, Bianca’s eyes shone. “You okay?”

  “I’m so happy and so in love with you. You’re going to make a wonderful mum.”

  “I sure hope so, but I’m glad we’re in this together.”

  “Forever and always. Now, before you stall any longer, are you ready? Everyone will be waiting for the star of the show.”

  Ava stood but kept hold of Bianca’s hips. “Ready as I’ll ever be. But I wouldn’t mind a kiss for luck.”

  “There’s an endless supply of those.”

  “Thank goodness.” Ava leaned into Bianca.

  “How are you feeling?” Bianca
asked once they were in the jeep and on their way.

  “Excited but nervous.”

  “I would be surprised if you weren’t.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure somebody’s going to want me to give a speech and you know how much I dislike talking in front of large groups of people.”

  Bianca rubbed Ava’s thigh. “Try to remember that everyone there is someone near and dear to both of us. They all love you and want to see you succeed. And if it helps, just make eye contact with a few select people while you’re talking and imagine you’re only talking to them in that moment.”

  “Brilliant. I’ll do that.”

  Bianca pulled the jeep into the studio parking lot. “Okay, deep breath, you’ve got this.”

  “As long as you’re next to me, I can handle anything.”

  Ava meant those words from the bottom of her heart, but when they stepped through the door, she wasn’t totally sure they were accurate. She was overwhelmed by the number of people who had come to show their support. Family and friends had flown in from around the world to help her launch her new venture.

  She needn’t have worried. Mere moments after she and Bianca walked through the door, Vicki was in front of them. “Champagne for you.” She handed a glass to Ava. “And sparkling cider for you.” She handed a matching glass to Bianca.

  Ava took a large sip of the gold courage. “Thank you, Vicki. You’re a lifesaver, as usual.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “You know you’re under no obligation to take care of my every need anymore.”

  “It’s a hard habit to break, but I’ll try to leave it to your new assistant from now on.”

  “Good, you’ll be too busy in your new role anyway. Besides, I’m counting on you to take care of all the details, when Bianca and I have to travel. It may not be as often as before, but I’m still committed to a few trips a year. So, you’ll have to take care of everything here.”