Without Pretense Read online

  The symphony played for about thirty minutes going from one song to the next with easy, smooth transitions. When the music stopped, Bianca clapped loudly. Her spirit was lighter than it had been since Karen’s accident. She listened intently as the conductor introduced the soloist for the evening’s performance. “Ladies and gentlemen, please give your warmest Tanglewood welcome to Ava Wellington.”

  Bianca was so surprised when he reached the end of his primer, she forgot to clap. When the door on the right side of the stage opened and Ava walked through in a long, sleeveless, cobalt gown, she was mesmerized. Bianca watched as Ava moved across the stage. Ava had been in shorts and bare feet, with her hair in a ponytail, when she’d bared her soul to her hours before. Now she stood center stage transformed into an elegant, sophisticated, world-renowned violinist. Her golden hair fell to her shoulders in soft waves. Her shoulders were bare keeping her arms free to play her instrument without impediment. Ava bowed slightly to the audience, and her gaze met Bianca’s. A hint of a smile raised the corners of her mouth. She stood tall, lifted her chin, and tucked the violin between her chin and shoulder. She briefly closed her eyes as she began to play.

  Once Ava’s gaze left her, Bianca realized she was holding her breath. She exhaled and wondered if there was any way this day could get stranger. She fixed her gaze on Ava, drifting between her face and her long, slender hands. The music she played was lovely. Tender and heart wrenching. Bianca felt like Ava was playing all the emotions she had shared that afternoon. Bianca experienced the music as she never had before. It was exhausting and exhilarating. She felt exposed but not uncomfortable. Somehow, Ava was sharing her sorrow with the audience and Bianca felt freer, lighter. Ava alternated playing by herself and playing with the orchestra. Bianca could have listened to her play all night.

  Ava’s violin solos were wonderful. The music and Ava’s incredible skill took Bianca’s breath away. The emotion Ava conveyed while she played was inspiring in its beauty. Bianca was riveted. She couldn’t have moved if she needed to, and at times she realized she was holding her breath, waiting to exhale with the music.

  When Bianca had seen Ava on the bench, she had taken her for much younger than she now seemed. The fresh-faced young woman from earlier was transformed into an elegant and experienced virtuoso. Bianca couldn’t have been so far off in guessing her age. Ava must be some sort of prodigy. When the concert reached a crescendo and the music stopped, Bianca leapt to her feet with everyone else and clapped loudly for Ava and the orchestra. Then she slumped back into her seat, breathless and exhausted.

  Bianca reflected on the very strange day that had unfolded. She wasn’t likely to forget it any time soon. Bianca’s emotions had been on a roller coaster all day and this evening was entirely unexpected. As the crowd thinned, she remained seated. There was nowhere else she needed to be, and she wanted to sit and let her emotions subside. She wanted to be present in this moment as it was the first time since she’d received word of Karen’s death that she felt anything other than anger or despair.

  A well-groomed man in a pink blazer approached her. “Bianca?”

  “Yes?”

  He held out a single white rose. “My name is Steven. I’m a friend of Ava’s. She asked me to give this to you. She’s hoping you will come back and say hello.”

  Bianca took the flower and couldn’t resist breathing in its rich scent. “Yes, of course. Where is back?”

  “Just come with me.”

  Bianca trailed Steven through the throngs of musicians in the hallway. When Steven stopped outside a door with a gold plaque, Bianca was inexplicably nervous. What would she possibly say to this woman of contradictions? Ava had been so composed on stage but had been so compassionate that afternoon. She was an enigma, and Bianca felt vulnerable and exposed. She grabbed Steven’s shoulder. “Wait.”

  He paused, his hand inches from knocking.

  “I should just go. Will you tell Ava thank you for me?”

  Steven frowned. “I could, but I’m not going to. All she wants to do is say hi. There’s no pressure here.”

  Bianca took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “Right. Okay.”

  Steven knocked and opened the door swiftly so Bianca didn’t have time to change her mind. He gave Ava a brief hug. “Great performance, darling,” he said as he swept Bianca into the room.

  “Thanks.” She hugged him back, but her eyes were on Bianca. “Will you give us a minute, Steven?”

  “Sure, hon.”

  Once he left, Ava appeared shy, like she was as nervous as Bianca. Bianca forcefully expelled a breath, trying to release the tension that had swelled inside her. “That was fabulous. You’re amazing.”

  The corners of Ava’s mouth lifted. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  “I did. It was so…” Bianca searched for the right word. “Expressive.”

  “Thank you.” Ava paused. “Listen, I have to stick around for a while after the show to sign autographs and stuff. After that I was, um, wondering if you’d like to get coffee with me.”

  Bianca hesitated.

  “Just coffee. I would like to get to know you better.”

  “I’m sorry, but it’s been a long day and I can’t.” Bianca caught her breath as pain quickly passed through Ava’s eyes, but it was gone so quickly she wondered if she imagined it.

  Ava’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I understand. Thank you for coming to the show.”

  “Thank you so much for the ticket. The music was beautiful, but I need to go.” Bianca didn’t move.

  “Wait. Before you do, I’d like to give you something.”

  “You’ve already given me so much.”

  “No, I haven’t. Please wait one minute.” Ava turned to her dressing table and picked a CD from a stack by the mirror and grabbed the Sharpie next to the pile. She dashed off a note and closed the case. She held it out to Bianca. “A little something to remember me by.”

  Bianca took it and held it to her chest. She looked directly into Ava’s eyes. “I will treasure it, but I won’t need a reminder. Thank you…for everything.”

  “You’re welcome, Bianca. I hope we meet again someday.”

  Bianca left quickly and pulled the door shut behind her.

  “What a very strange day.” Ava sighed. As she looked around the room, she felt lonely.

  Chapter One

  Two Years Later

  Ava slammed through the doors and burst out into the blinding sunshine. She was seething with anger and needed to try to walk it off. Hank had lied to her. He had been her agent and manager for three years, and she wasn’t naïve enough to think he was always honest. He was an agent, after all. But this was the first time she’d caught him in an outright lie. She had been very clear when she’d told him she was not interested in having a biography written.

  He had disregarded her wishes, gone behind her back, and hired a writer to follow her around for the next six months. There was no way that was going to happen. No way. She would not be traipsed after by some pale, nerdy author who got his rocks off peering into the personal lives of public figures. She would put a stop to this. Nothing good came from reacting. She needed to calm down and respond.

  Since Hank hired BJ Vega, whoever the hell he was, he would just have to tell the guy his services were no longer required. She should just fire his ass. That would show him who was boss. But she didn’t like making decisions in anger, so she walked across the grounds of Tanglewood. She needed time and space to think things through.

  She didn’t realize she had a specific destination in mind until she saw the bench under the giant pine tree. Two years ago she’d had the strangest experience on that bench. Bianca. She had known her for just a few hours, and yet the memories of that encounter haunted her. She hoped she had found a way through the pain and loss that was so raw that afternoon. Ava sat on the bench, her back to the Shed just as she had with Bianca. She thought back to their last minutes together, to the note she wrote in t
he CD case she gave her.

  She’d written her number down, but Bianca never called. As disappointed as she’d been, she couldn’t fault her. She knew Bianca was overwhelmed with grief when they’d met. All she’d wanted to do was help. Clearly, Bianca wasn’t ready. She thought about her often, but every time she returned to Tanglewood, the memory of the time she spent with Bianca on that bench was more present in her mind.

  Ava was sure she had conjured Bianca when she appeared in her sightline and was walking toward her. As the image of Bianca strode closer, her certainty wavered. Bianca being here brightened Ava’s whole day and she forgot Hank and the book. She even forgot she had rehearsal and a show later. All of those things flew from her mind as Bianca sat on the bench beside her.

  “Bianca, please tell me you’re really here and this isn’t just a dream.”

  Bianca laughed and placed her hand on Ava’s thigh. “You remember me after all this time?”

  Ava’s stomach clenched at the warm, soft hand on her leg and the beautiful sound of Bianca’s soft accent. “I’ve never forgotten you or the time we spent together.”

  Bianca’s eyebrows drew together in consternation, and she clasped her hands in her lap. “How is it that we have known one another, in reality, for just a few hours and I completely believe you?”

  “I don’t really understand it myself, but I feel a…connection to you.”

  “I feel it too.”

  “Then how come you never called?” Ava blurted the question before she could stop it. She didn’t mean to put Bianca on the spot, but the question had haunted her for two years.

  Bianca pursed her lips and gazed into the distance as though searching for the answer. She turned to Ava. “I wanted to. I picked up the phone so many times, but I couldn’t do it. I was so overwhelmed with my feelings. I didn’t want to drag you into all that.”

  “Did you ever think I could have helped? That I wanted to help?”

  “Yes. I knew you would have. I couldn’t let you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I wanted you to so much.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Bianca put her hand back on Ava’s thigh. “I needed to do it on my own. My own time, my own process. The only woman I had ever loved died four months before we met. You made me feel safe and secure. I felt like I could tell you all my secrets. I wanted to get to know you, but I felt like I was betraying Karen. It was so confusing. I didn’t know what to do or how to handle all those feelings at once. So, I did the most logical thing I could.” Bianca shrugged. “I ran away, or more accurately, I buried my head in the sand and avoided you until I could better deal with everything that was happening.

  “By the time things settled down and I got a handle on my emotions, months had gone by. It didn’t seem right to call you out of the blue. I was sure you wouldn’t even remember me. So I played your CD often and thought of you and that afternoon we spent together. You will never know how much you helped me that day. How much your beautiful music soothed me during countless nights.”

  “What made you come back?”

  “You! I wanted to see you. I felt such a strong connection to you two years ago. I had to find out if it was still there and if you felt it too.”

  Ava ran her thumb over the top of Bianca’s hand. “I did. I do.”

  “Me too.”

  “What do you want to do about it?”

  “I have no idea. I didn’t expect things to move this fast,” Bianca said.

  Ava took Bianca’s hand in hers. “Will you come to the show tonight and then come out with me after?”

  “I would love to, but there’s something else you should know first.”

  “Are you single, available, and interested in getting to know me better?”

  “Yes, yes, and definitely, but—”

  “Nothing else matters right now. Come to the show and we’ll talk later.”

  “Okay.”

  “I should get to rehearsal. I’ll leave you a ticket. Don’t disappear. Please.” Ava stood and Bianca rose with her.

  “I won’t.”

  “Before I go, I need to…” Ava leaned down and touched her lips to Bianca’s. She only touched her with her mouth, gently sliding her lips over Bianca’s. When Bianca’s mouth opened, Ava softly slipped her tongue inside and moaned. She pulled back and lifted her head. Bianca’s eyes were almost black with desire. “Even better than I imagined,” Ava said.

  “I believe I will enjoy this getting to know you phase very much.”

  As Ava walked back to the Shed, she wondered if she was moving too fast. She didn’t want Bianca to retreat. On the other hand, she had been thinking about what she would do if she ever saw Bianca again. Going forward, she needed to remember to take it more slowly and make sure Bianca was comfortable. She was special. This was different.

  ***

  Alone in her dressing room after rehearsal, Ava struggled to wrap her head around everything that happened that afternoon. She’d spent rehearsal on autopilot, her mind completely consumed by Bianca, who had reappeared out of a daydream. Her reverie was interrupted by a knock on the door.

  “Come in.” She glanced over to see who was there to see her. “Go away. I’m still mad at you.”

  Hank didn’t listen. He came into the room. “Come on, Ava, you can’t stay mad. This is happening. You need to get used to the idea.”

  “No. I don’t. And right now, I need to concentrate on this show. You need to leave. Now.”

  Hank stared at her for several seconds. “I’ll check in with you after the show. I’ll bring BJ back to meet you.”

  He was gone before Ava could find something to throw at him, but boy, did she want to. She didn’t usually behave this way. She was passionate in all aspects of her life, especially when it came to her music, women, and food. But rarely did she lose her temper. She did not want her biography written. It could tear her family apart and it would all be her fault. Luckily, before she wandered too far down that slippery slope of memories, she was distracted by another knock.

  “What?” she snapped.

  Steven poked his head in. “I just saw Hank leave. Is it safe to come in?”

  Ava couldn’t help but smile. Steven was the only one brave or foolish enough to risk facing her in one of her rare bad moods. “Safe enough for you.”

  Steven came in, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it. “Where did you run off to before rehearsal?”

  Ava moved to the chair so Steven could do her makeup before he did her hair. “I went for a walk so I could think about all the ways I wanted to punish Hank for what he did.”

  “That’s fair, but why don’t you just tell Hank why you don’t want your biography written? He’d probably understand.”

  “My private life is none of his business. It should be enough for me to tell him I don’t want it done. He should respect that.”

  “I agree with you. As for your private life, do you think you’ll ever tire of keeping the secret? Maybe it’s time to let it go and be free of it.”

  Ava met his eyes in the mirror. “Maybe you’re right, but aside from telling you more than a decade ago when I was blitzed out of my head, it’s not something I’ve shared with anyone outside my family. That’s a hard thing to change.”

  “I get that,” he said as he smoothed the sponge across her cheekbones, blending color and blush.

  “I know you do. This is too much before a performance. Let’s talk about something else.”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “I was pleasantly surprised today when I ran into an old friend.”

  “Oh?”

  He could say so much with one syllable. He was the only person she’d ever told about Bianca. More than once, he had patiently listened to her bemoan that Bianca had never called.

  Ava laughed. “Bianca found me on the grounds. At first I thought she was a figment of my fantasies, but there she was in the flesh.”

  Steven bent down i
n front of Ava working to apply just the right stage makeup. “Do you want me to hate her or forgive her?”

  She looked directly at him. “Forgive her. Since we have a date after the show.”

  “Okay, hon. If that’s what you want, you got it.”

  It was just that simple with Steven. He probably had a thousand questions, but he trusted Ava and did as she asked. Ava appreciated him more every day.

  “It is. Can you do me a favor at intermission?”

  “Of course. Anything.”

  ***

  Ava loved being on stage at Tanglewood more than a lot of the venues she played. The summer home of the Boston Symphony Orchestra was a unique setting. The Koussevitzky Music Shed only had walls in the area around the stage. The covered audience area was an open structure with steel columns supporting the roof. During the day you could see from the stage out to the grass beyond the last seat. She appreciated seeing the thousands of people who peppered the grass in lawn seats. They set up elaborate picnics while they listened to the music. Even during the night concerts, she knew they were there and could feel their energy.

  Tonight, as she played, her mind wasn’t on the crowd and how much they were enjoying the show. Her performance tonight was for one special woman. Bianca had come back into her life, and she wasn’t going to let her get away so easily this time. She looked for her in the audience, and her heart warmed when their gazes met. Knowing Bianca was there listening to the music she played made Ava feel close to her.

  Ava had to be careful. She couldn’t get her hopes up too high. After all, she barely knew Bianca. Clearly, they had a strong connection, at least from her perspective, and Bianca had said the same that afternoon. But what did she really know about her other than that she was a widow? Maybe all the fantasies she’d created over the last two years were best left to her imagination.