Without Pretense Read online

  Bianca felt like a fish out of water for several moments. She couldn’t breathe. She could feel her cheeks heating up. She decided the best way forward was total honesty, well, almost the complete truth. “You’re right. Ava and I are seeing one another, but it’s too early to define our relationship. If I may be perfectly frank, I care about your daughter a great deal. She is an extraordinary woman. I don’t know where things will go, but I will treasure whatever time I have with her.”

  Bianca wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed it, but Grace had smoothly moved them back on track after their little detour and they’d patiently answered her questions about Ava for more than an hour. They were a gracious, compassionate, and humorous couple. Even the way they shared the back and forth of storytelling showed the teamwork their marriage was built on. Part of her envied their easy companionship. She had thanked them, welcomed the hugs both of them offered. She left knowing she would likely never see them again. It made her a little sad, but it was just the way it was.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Bianca was out of sorts. She was confused and flustered. Things had changed so much between her and Ava after Paris. There was more tension between them and not the good kind. Ava seemed stressed all the time, which was completely unlike her. She wouldn’t talk to Bianca about what was bothering her no matter how many times she offered.

  Since the night Bianca met Ava’s parents, Lara was around all the time. Even stranger, Steven tagged along too. Lara stayed over in Ava’s suite most nights. Bianca hadn’t been able to get Ava alone for more than a few minutes in days. Ava invited her to join them and she had a couple of times at first because she thought it would be a good opportunity to watch Ava and Lara interact. But she ended up feeling like the fourth wheel on a tricycle. The three of them seemed to have inside jokes and stories she wasn’t privy to. Even without all that, she didn’t want to try to have a private conversation when Lara was in the next room. So she kept to herself. She went sightseeing on her own. She didn’t have anything new to add to her notes, so she spent some time outlining an idea she had for a novel.

  Tonight though, she had agreed to watch a movie with Ava, Lara, and Steven in Ava’s suite. Once the movie ended, Lara said good night and conked out on the couch. It was amazing how quickly teenagers could fall asleep.

  Steven stood first. “That’s my cue to leave. Good night, ladies.”

  Bianca stood and glanced at the couch. “Hang on, Steven, I’ll walk you out. I’m headed that way too.”

  Ava rushed over. “Wait, Bianca. I was hoping you’d stay for a little while.”

  Steven looked between them. “I’m going to let the two of you figure this out,” he said as he turned for the door.

  Once the door closed, Bianca focused on Ava. She didn’t say anything at first. That ever-present tension was smack dab in the middle of them. Ava didn’t seem to have any words either. Finally, Bianca broke the silence. “So…I’m going to go.”

  Ava bowed her head slightly, almost in defeat. “I’ll walk you out.”

  “I’m right across the hall. It’s not necessary.”

  “Please?” Ava said.

  “Fine.”

  Bianca turned outside her door. “Well, good night.”

  Ava leaned in for a hug. It was beyond awkward. “Could we maybe go in and talk for a minute?”

  “Why? What’s the point?” Bianca asked.

  Ava looked shocked.

  “You haven’t wanted to talk to me in any real way since the day Damon Blake came back into your life. Now you’re hiding behind your sister. So what could you possibly want to talk about now?” Bianca had lost her patience and it all came tumbling out.

  “I don’t know. I just thought…”

  “What? You thought you’d come in for a quickie? A little lovin’? That’s not working for me, Ava.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

  “I’m sorry we haven’t had time for us lately,” Ava said.

  “You could fix that you know. You could set aside some time for us to talk or just do something, just the two of us. Or maybe what was between us has just come to its predictable conclusion. No hard feelings?”

  “I don’t think we need to make that decision right now,” Ava said.

  “Why not now?”

  “Because it’s late and we’re both tired. We shouldn’t make any hasty decisions.”

  “It may seem quick to you, but I’ve had days to think about it. No point in the delaying the inevitable,” Bianca said. Meanwhile her heart was hurting at even the possibility that this was the end.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Look, I know I said I could give you time to deal with whatever family stuff you have going on, but that was before I knew it would mean you ignoring me. I can’t do this anymore.”

  They stared at one another for several moments. Finally, Ava shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you and I don’t want you to leave. I know it’s been a little crazy having Lara around all the time. But we’re getting to know each other, kind of for the first time, and I’d feel bad sending her away.”

  “Okay. I get it. You’re working on your relationship with your sister. But I’m supposed to be working too. I haven’t been able to make any real progress in days because you haven’t had time to talk to me. Not to mention the fact that you refuse to answer any questions.”

  “I know. I just need a little more time.”

  Bianca had heard enough. “Fine. You do what you need to do. I’m going to bed. Good night.”

  “Good night, Bianca.” Ava stood while Bianca shut the door. It felt like she was being shut out. She was losing ground in the relationship she’d been building with Bianca. She was stuck and didn’t know how to get out of this murky situation. She felt guilty as hell keeping this secret from Bianca. It was strange that she felt guiltier now than she had in all the years she’d kept the same information from Lara. How did that make sense?

  The worst part was she missed Bianca badly. It wasn’t even about the sex they were no longer having. She also missed spending time with her, doing things with her, seeing the world through her eyes. She loved their time at the Louvre and the botanical gardens in Berlin. Even more than that though, she missed the emotional and physical connection they had.

  She wasn’t feeling it anymore. She knew it was because she’d thrown up figurative shields so Bianca couldn’t breach the secrets she needed to protect. As long as she had her force fields raised, she wasn’t going to be able to reconnect with Bianca. There was no way she could lower her defenses and trust she wouldn’t do irreparable harm to the relationship she was building with Lara.

  Until Lara lifted the embargo, Ava would simply have to figure out a way to live with the situation. She had to give Lara whatever time she needed to deal with what she’d shared. After all, as Lara had pointed out, she had eighteen years to digest the information. Keeping this secret from Bianca was weighing on her mind and spirit.

  She had gotten herself into this mess and nobody was going to help her figure a way out of it. For now, she’d keep doing the best she could to contain the damage and keep everyone relatively happy. She wasn’t doing such a great job on that front with Bianca. She let herself back into her room. She checked on Lara to see if she had everything she needed. She was burrowed under the covers on the couch, snoring lightly. She looked so young and innocent with her features relaxed in slumber. It struck Ava that her own mother had probably never seen her like that at that age.

  When she was Lara’s age, she was already traveling the world as a solo violist and her mother was in London raising Lara as her own daughter. Ava came back to the moment. She was glad Lara didn’t have the stress and worries she had at her age. At least someone would get some sleep tonight. She turned out the lights in the living room. Then she went into the bedroom and shut the door lightly.

  ***

 
“Ava, darling, you clearly aren’t sleeping,” Steven said as he put on her foundation. “I’m going to have to work extra hard to hide these bags under your eyes.”

  “I’m sure you’ve got some magic up your sleeve to make me fit for the stage,” she said without trying to hide her sleepless nights.

  “Oh, hon, you’re always beautiful and nothing is going to change that. But talk to me. What’s keeping you up? Or should I guess? I couldn’t help but notice a bit of tension as I left last night.”

  “As always, your penchant for understatement is truly amazing.”

  “Did you two lovebirds manage to work it out?”

  “Quite the opposite, actually. She’s unhappy that we don’t have any time together.”

  “So make some time.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “It could be. I could entertain Lara for the evening. She’s been wanting to see Alien.”

  “Look, I appreciate the thought. I really do. But it’s more complicated than that.”

  “Because you’re afraid?”

  Ava met his eyes in the mirror. “Lara has only ever asked one thing from me.”

  “Have you checked in with Lara lately? She seems pretty okay with everything. Maybe she wouldn’t mind you telling Bianca now.”

  “No. It’s too soon to even broach the subject.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “I have no idea. He spun her chair so she could look in the mirror.

  Ava took in her appearance. She turned her head one way and then the other to study Steven’s work. “You’re a miracle worker.”

  “I do what I can.”

  The smirk on his face told Ava her compliment had resonated. At least she was doing something right.

  ***

  Bianca was at loose ends. She decided to play tourist and explore Piccadilly Circus. Perhaps she’d stop and see a show as Grace had suggested. As soon as she exited the Tube stop, she felt a bit like she was at Times Square in New York. There was so much to see. Most people around her seemed to be happy and carefree. She was trying to be those things, but it was difficult not to think about Ava. Those thoughts weren’t making her happy right now. She tried to focus on the excitement around her.

  As she was walking down the street, someone called her name. She spun around to see who it was. She was surprised to see Wren jogging over to her.

  “It is you. What are you doing in London?” Wren asked.

  “What, you’re not still keeping tabs on me?”

  “Touché. No, I figured you had my info, if you were interested I would hear from you, if not…” Wren shrugged. “My loss.”

  “Fair enough. To be honest, I haven’t really considered your offer yet. I have a lot going on with my current project,” Bianca said.

  Wren looked at her watch. “Would you like to grab a coffee now? Just to talk about what I have in mind. No pressure, but it might give you a better sense of the project.”

  “Sure, why not?”

  They walked around the corner to a restaurant Wren suggested. They were seated quickly. It made Bianca think briefly about the service Ava received everywhere they went together. She wondered for a moment when she became the person who hung out so casually with celebrities, even sought after by them if her present company was any indication. When did life get so strange? She shifted her focus back to Wren. “So, what’s your vision?”

  “I want a book that is genuine first and foremost. Something that not only looks at my singing career, but also explores my activism and other aspects of who I am. I want something that reflects my beliefs and values, not just the polished persona the world tends to see. I’m a proud feminist. I want younger generations to realize they can achieve great things no matter where they began their journey.”

  As Wren spoke, Bianca found herself drawn to her charisma. Not in a sexual or romantic way, but in an “I could see myself becoming good friends with this person” kind of way. “That sounds like an authentic project. Why aren’t you writing it yourself?” Bianca’s couldn’t help but compare Wren’s transparency and desire to be honest to her current predicament with Ava.

  “I write songs and I love being a songwriter, but the idea of even trying to write a book isn’t appealing to me.”

  “I see.”

  “I know I need help, so I decided to find a writer I identified with and that’s you.”

  “I’m flattered and I must say I am intrigued by the project.”

  “Does that mean you’re interested?” Wren asked hopefully.

  “I’m not ready to commit just yet. I couldn’t start anything until I’m done with my current project, and the extent of this project is still unclear.”

  “There is no set timeline for this project, so if you’re willing to write it, we can work around your schedule.” Wren was everything Ava was not as far as a cooperative collaborator. The contrast was stark.

  This was sounding like an attractive next project. It would give her something to focus on after things ended with Ava.

  “Can I ask you a personal question?” Wren asked.

  “I suppose.”

  “What made you sad just now?”

  “You’re quite observant aren’t you.”

  “It makes me good at what I do. Are you avoiding the question?”

  “I was just thinking about my current project ending,” Bianca said.

  “You must be really attached to it.”

  “I’m in love with her actually,” Bianca said without thinking and was surprised by her own words.

  “Oh wow. Does she know?”

  “I haven’t told her.”

  “Maybe she feels the same way. I assume we are talking about Ava Wellington?”

  “You know her?”

  “Not personally, no. I certainly know who she is and I saw the two of you together in Berlin. It may not be my place to say this, but based on the way she looked at you, I’d say it wouldn’t hurt her feelings if you told her the truth.”

  “I can’t. Especially right now, things are just too…complicated,” Bianca said.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. If there’s ever anything I can do, even if it’s just be a friendly ear, you know how to reach me.”

  Bianca knew Wren was genuine. It wasn’t a move or a strategy. Working with Wren would be energizing. “I appreciate that very much.”

  “Why don’t you come see my show tonight?”

  “You’re playing tonight?” Bianca asked. “Here?”

  “Yes to both.”

  Bianca couldn’t think of any reason not to accept the offer. It wasn’t like she had any other plans. “I think I would enjoy that, thank you.”

  ***

  Wren’s show was amazing. Unfortunately, it had done little to take Bianca’s mind off Ava. Bianca had watched Wren and knew no matter what happened with her and Ava, she and Wren would never be anything more than friends. It made her more comfortable thinking about working on her project. She didn’t want to be in a position again where she had to doubt her own professionalism. In that way, the night had been a success.

  Now, as she rode back to the hotel with the car and driver Wren had offered, her thoughts returned to Ava and what she was going to do about her. No matter how much or how often she thought over things, she couldn’t resolve the contradictions. It was becoming clear the only conclusion for this relationship was heartbreak for Bianca. And the project would end with an article.

  ***

  Ava and Lara lingered over breakfast in the hotel restaurant. They had sat so long they virtually had the place to themselves. Ava was reading the news and Lara was listening to music. Lara removed her earbuds and looked at Ava. “We should go shopping,” Lara said.

  Ava put down her tablet and focused on Lara. “We should? Why is that?”

  Lara looked around briefly to see who else might be listening. “I don’t think I can ever think of you as my mum,” Lara said softly.

  “Okay?” Ava wasn’t su
re what to say or where this was going.

  “I mean I understand you gave birth to me, it’s still weird on some level, but I get it. But you’ve always been my sister, Ava. For more than seventeen years that’s who you’ve been to me. Is it okay if that’s how I still think of you?”

  “Totally okay. If that’s what works for you, I’m completely on board. I just want to be in your life and spend time with you.”

  “Which is why we should go shopping.”

  “I’m not making the connection.”

  “It’s something sisters do together, right?”

  “Yes, I believe it is,” Ava said. Sisters. It seemed Lara had defined their relationship after all. Ava was relieved on more than one level. Lara was obviously getting more comfortable with the situation. Also, even though Ava had always known how she and Lara were really connected, after all this time it was easy and natural for her to think of Lara as her sister. Now that Lara knew everything, there was nothing keeping them from forming a deeper bond. One they would make by choice, not circumstance.

  Chapter Eighteen

  After having gone another whole day without hearing from Ava, Bianca reached out to Steven and invited him to lunch. She waved to him when she saw him enter the restaurant. He strode over and sat.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi. I’m glad we could finally do this,” Bianca said.

  “What is it we’re doing exactly?” Steven seemed suspicious.

  “We’re having lunch.” Bianca held up the menu she’d been studying before he arrived.

  He picked up the menu in front of him. “Yes, but there’s more to it than that,” Steven said.

  Bianca waited until the waiter took their drink order to respond. “I’m spending time with the people closest to Ava to gain insight into her life from different perspectives.”